Life began with waking up and loving my
Mother's face.
It's been a time of reflection for me. My husband
has been out of town on business, my kids
all live far away, and I am home
with a cold, my warm "woobie" and hot cider.
Today the snow slid off the roof of the cabin, and it
sounded like an earthquake.
It disturbed the frenzy of the birds feeding
from the feeder off the porch.
I put on my boots and headed out the door, to shovel.
After about 15, minutes I was tuckered out
and headed back inside, to fix up some supper.
It is hard to fix a meal, for just myself, but I knew my
guy would be getting in sometime this evening.
So I set about preparing a caserole
from, my youth...you know, the kind camouflaged
with creamy sauce, browned meat, onions, mushrooms and noodles, cheese on top, and
crushed potato chips to give it a little crunch.
The finished product looked good, but honestly
my "smeller" was not working, so
I could not give it that endorsement.
No smell, no taster either.
I had finished up my "to do list"...so sat down with a good book.
I only had about 50 more pages, and cried through all of it.
What is it, that when you are sick, everything
is so much more emotional?
Or is it, that I am truly on the down slide of life?
I've never thought about any part of my life being
"the down slide"...even with all of
the heartache we have lived through. There has just been
to many wonderful sunrises, and sunsets, and just
plain good old fashioned JOY*
has been out of town on business, my kids
all live far away, and I am home
with a cold, my warm "woobie" and hot cider.
Today the snow slid off the roof of the cabin, and it
sounded like an earthquake.
It disturbed the frenzy of the birds feeding
from the feeder off the porch.
I put on my boots and headed out the door, to shovel.
After about 15, minutes I was tuckered out
and headed back inside, to fix up some supper.
It is hard to fix a meal, for just myself, but I knew my
guy would be getting in sometime this evening.
So I set about preparing a caserole
from, my youth...you know, the kind camouflaged
with creamy sauce, browned meat, onions, mushrooms and noodles, cheese on top, and
crushed potato chips to give it a little crunch.
The finished product looked good, but honestly
my "smeller" was not working, so
I could not give it that endorsement.
No smell, no taster either.
I had finished up my "to do list"...so sat down with a good book.
I only had about 50 more pages, and cried through all of it.
What is it, that when you are sick, everything
is so much more emotional?
Or is it, that I am truly on the down slide of life?
I've never thought about any part of my life being
"the down slide"...even with all of
the heartache we have lived through. There has just been
to many wonderful sunrises, and sunsets, and just
plain good old fashioned JOY*
...that moment when you're folding your little one's laundry
and realize their clothes aren't quite so
little anymore.
LG, is over in Montana today. But it is good to have him in
the near proximity of home. He is the embodiment
of "my better half "...he completes me.
I laughed and told him, that I have to bunch up pillows
on his side of the bed, when he is gone, because I hate rolling over
and feeling that empty space, and the sheets that are so cold.
He just laughs and holds me close, and says once again, that I
am "certifiable".
We have the urn, that holds my Mom, here at the cabin.
Today, I happened to look up, as the sun was
streaming through the window, shining off
the gold adornment of her encasement. It shocked me
in the clarity of thought that came to me.
"Jamie, never forget how much you are loved."
I still have the last two voice mails from her on my phone.
Even in her lowest moments, she was always
trying to build up those around her.
I know how debilitating pain can be, just the little that
I have lived through, makes her attitude...priceless.
Did she have a road map for life?
NO
She lived for the moment
and sometimes when I am feeling low I want to throw
blame at her for not instilling in me
more of a want...to do better.
I say that with tongue in cheek, because really she lived her
life with love, music, color, and the
ability to make everyone in her presence feel good
about themselves, and THAT, is really
what we should all strive for.
She taught me, everything she could to sustain life,
get through heartache,
sing when you are sad, serve others,
and reconstitute leftovers!!!!
When I grow up, I hope I can be half the woman she was.
She was the magic.
Life happened, and through it all
she wove her timeless miracles. The decorations for holidays,
the home cooked meals,
the love of music, that bounced off the walls.
She drew life, without using an eraser.
the near proximity of home. He is the embodiment
of "my better half "...he completes me.
I laughed and told him, that I have to bunch up pillows
on his side of the bed, when he is gone, because I hate rolling over
and feeling that empty space, and the sheets that are so cold.
He just laughs and holds me close, and says once again, that I
am "certifiable".
We have the urn, that holds my Mom, here at the cabin.
Today, I happened to look up, as the sun was
streaming through the window, shining off
the gold adornment of her encasement. It shocked me
in the clarity of thought that came to me.
"Jamie, never forget how much you are loved."
I still have the last two voice mails from her on my phone.
Even in her lowest moments, she was always
trying to build up those around her.
I know how debilitating pain can be, just the little that
I have lived through, makes her attitude...priceless.
Did she have a road map for life?
NO
She lived for the moment
and sometimes when I am feeling low I want to throw
blame at her for not instilling in me
more of a want...to do better.
I say that with tongue in cheek, because really she lived her
life with love, music, color, and the
ability to make everyone in her presence feel good
about themselves, and THAT, is really
what we should all strive for.
She taught me, everything she could to sustain life,
get through heartache,
sing when you are sad, serve others,
and reconstitute leftovers!!!!
When I grow up, I hope I can be half the woman she was.
She was the magic.
Life happened, and through it all
she wove her timeless miracles. The decorations for holidays,
the home cooked meals,
the love of music, that bounced off the walls.
She drew life, without using an eraser.
If you don't believe in miracles, perhaps you've
forgotten you are one!
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