Home is not where you're from...it's where you belong ~

Home is not where you're from...

it's where you belong~

Last Saturday, found us running around taking care of business...lovin' on some grand kids, and at one point walking through some leaves.

The sun was just right to catch the simple breathtaking beauty of, the one leaf of red. I have always thought up until today, that if I was to be remembered in some regard to God's beauty ...let it be in the brilliance of a wild sunflower. But today I changed my mind. Not sure exactly what it was, that made me catch my breath, as I bent down to pick one up, and place it in my pocket.

The air was crisp, the distant call of kids to one another, while jumping on the tramp...the bark of the neighbors dog, or hum of the heavy equipment on the street just one over...maybe the chuckle of my son? A song on the radio, as a car passed by. A feeling of overwhelming nostalgia caught in my throat, as I stifled a sob.

My daughter was married in this yard, several years ago in October. I always felt that the theme and decorations, had been enhanced by the natural fall of leaves as they floated to earth. The golds, the burnt orange tinged in brown and the reds.

My grand parents taught me about work, and respect for the goods of nature...in this yard. My Dad, worked with and trained his beloved dog in this yard...my sweet husband raked, and raked and gathered up leaves in this yard, teaching a grandson about the delights of accomplishment...was it the pungent wisp of roasting potatoes in the piles of raked leaves as we chose to burn off some of them? 

Decades of stories and memories washed over me, as I inspected the veins of the red leaf and put it somewhere safe to take out and look at in the future.

Maybe it is that I am getting older in the tooth. My blaze of the sunflower, is coming of age. The subtle grace of life is giving it's last hurrah, in the form a red leaf~

Still enjoying my journey...

Our "Heart" rescuer....

You are the one who makes it a brighter day...

so don't forget to glow. 

  So I just have to take a few minutes and share a story about our
dog:  Saydee.

She was a "rescue dog" gifted to our daughter Starr, 
through a very dear friend.  
She has since been dubbed several different names,
Brown  Suga'
Hershey Squirt
Saydee, Saydee Girl
and most recently...
Heart Rescuer. 

" I owe thee much...far, far beyond what I can ever pay."

~ Robert Blair

So this little bundle of brown, came to us in the winter.
Her JOY is to bound through drifts of
that white stuff.

But if winter has not happened yet, she is just as happy
to romp through the woods, hell bent 
for the nearest puddle of 
rain water
river or lake. 

Her next attraction is to hunt down squirells
and those varmint "Pot guts"!
She will stand on point forever...waiting for the opportune
moment to pounce!
And then dig like a demon to chase them
out of their underground tunnels.

 

I guess if a dog could have a countenance the one word that would describe her is:  JOY!
She is pure determination in action, with a healthy
douse of delight!

God, sees what's in my heart, not the mud between my toes.

WHERE 'ER THOU ART...ACT THY PART

I like me best when I'm with you~

Sometimes in the change of wind, we find direction.

So we are well into March, and I feel like I just cannot keep up.  I have committed to several projects, and yet when 4:00 pm

rolls around, I can't believe another day has

come and gone, and I am still stuck. 

I have been trying to write down stories for our kids and grands'.

My problem is, I get sidetracked to easily.  If you could see my

working space, you would know

that a very disorganized mind abodes here.  

Sticky notes from

hell to breakfast, and then some!

You may only be one person in the world...

but you may also be THE WORLD to one person,

(or hound dog in this instance).

I want to share a story of Zack, the dog whisperer.

He had a most faithful hound by the name of 

Bison.

Very appropriate for a Golden Lab, that at one

time got up to 110 lbs in weight.

His feet were enormous, and he had a shawl of 

fur around his neck, that you loved to sink your hands or

feet into.  

He benefited in the rub down...

you lavished in a fur that felt like warm mink.  

Anyway, this dog was beloved by all.

At one time when we were managing Mack's Inn Resort,

it was early evening.

The sun was starting to sink, and smearing everything in 

a golden glow of melted butter.

We were making our way back to 

the little cabin we lived in,

#55.  

Bison, had beat us home and was stretched out on the front 

porch.  When we hear a motorcycle approaching 

and then stop in front of our place.

Here comes this guy adorned in leathers, and dark glasses

with a camera slung off his shoulder.

He politely asks if he can

take some pictures of our dog.

? 

His comment,

"He is the perfect poster child for this resort !"

  Well who would deny the request at such a compliment?

 

 

What you do everyday, matters more than what you do,

once in a while.

But it was true.

He had earned the right to lazily

adorn our porch, in the fading sun.

He was the epitome of faithfulness

and loyalty...and he came

by all of that through the efforts of our son

Zack, who worked tirelessly

in gaining this dogs trust, and obedience.

As his extended family we were blessed in this good work.

Everywhere he went he shone!

One day, Zack had him at Utah Lake.

Working through some commands.

Using the dummies, 

the whistle and eventually having him retrieve

out into the water.

A bird hunter, had hung around for quite some time and finally approached Zack.

"Son, I've been watching you and your dog the whole

time you've been out here today.   I've never witnessed

first hand the control, and trust between the two of you.

I would like to offer you $5,000 on sight

for this hound."

  (This is for a dog that had "no papers" only the obvious ethics displayed).

ZK, in that twinkle only he has,

calmly replied.

"Sir, he's not for sale, he's like my son."

 

And it was true.

I miss them both so much.

Bison, went first.  It was early in the year 2010, and so heartbreaking.  He had been a part of our family over  14 years.

At the time my thought was, "Oh no, they say this kind of loss and heartache usually comes in threes."

Within six months time, 

I lost my Mom, 

a wonderful Brother-in-Law,  Eli,

our son-in-law, Leonard,

and 

Zack.

So grateful I can draw on the great memories to

herd my heart, through the tough ones.

Our greatest glory is not in failing...rather

rising each time we fail.

STAY THE COURSE.

If the road were easy...

If the road were easy...

you're likely going the wrong way.

I have been through a week of growing again. 

Funny how that happens when we aren't even trying.  :)

Started out getting used to my man being home around the clock.

  Our history was, I hated seeing him

off every Sunday afternoon, and not 

see him again, until early evening Thursday, of that same week.

We have been trying out this arrangement for the past year.

I thought I could handle it...you know just keep
busy, engaged in helping others where it was needed,

working on family projects, reading, going for walks, stacking wood, baking and staying busy in the community.

Because he had traveled a lot with his previous job, I figured

this would be just like that.  A honeymoon everytime 

he returned home. 

And it was, but

dang it all, this guy is my best friend, 

and we are both getting longer in the tooth, and well...

I didn't marry him, to see him, and

be with him, on occasion.  And so I started to dread Saturdays,

because that was the day before he would leave on 

Sunday, after church.

The last few months, I hid it pretty well,

and then everything came to a head, and I told him

that if he was going to keep working out of

state for four days out of every week,

well then we had to move

to where his work was...because being on the road

10 hours every week, was  eventually

going to catch up with him.

It's just the law of averages~

I did not want to get that "knock on the door" like 

we did when we lost our son-in-law

to a head on, a few years back.

***

We would be moving to where our kids and grand

babies are.  Our folks are both getting up

there in age.  It just made sense

to move where

EVERYTHING

is closer.

 

Five days later,

that decision was drastically altered.

His position at his job

was "no longer". 

 

The most beautiful people 

we come to know are those who have

known defeat,
suffering, 

known struggle, know loss

and have found their way out of the depths.

These people have an appreciation 

A sensitivity and an understanding of life

that fills them with compassion, gentleness and 

a deep loving concern.

Beautiful people ...do not just 

happen. 

When we moved to Island Park, over eight years ago,

we felt like we had been led here for a very specific reason.

***

 

We still do.

Even though we were on the verge of 

making a change...life happened.

Bringing that decision to a screeching halt!

We will remain here

in the mountains,

in our 

little cabin,

in the woods...until we can't. 

But I am not going to lie to you.  It has been an adjustment

getting used to having his "stuff" all over the house

again!  :)

It's been the greatest adjustment!

I didn't realize how much I have missed his non-stop

bantering, the surprise kisses on the 

back of my neck, 

his sweet kindnesses, getting my door,

grabbing all the groceries from

the car, before I can

get myself

unloaded.  Praying together, laughing,

sleeping in!  Watching our favorite movies together. 
Sneaking my favorite candy to me,

and setting down together for a light supper...or

no supper, maybe just popcorn!

There has been a couple of instances where

we have circled like querulous

old bears...but that

was just because we are both going deaf

and I got tired of him asking, "Huh?"

And so one time in

exasperation I yelled it out!  

  

So when the world says, 

"Oh just give up!"

Hope whispers..."try one more time."

I just want to assure you, the reader, that life is forever 

changing, throwing challenges in our paths

to see if we have enough grit to 

pick it up, an get 'er done!

Even though our children will be disappointed for 

a while that we are not in the same state.

I hope they will come to accept

the fact, that this little cabin is still a haven of 

peace and love, from the world.

A refuge from what's hurting the heart, or where, they just might need to escape and breathe, to wet a hook, 

to hike the hills, to build campfires, play horse shoes,

harvest wood for the coming winter, where good eats,

a warm fire, laughter and love will always 

be found in abundance...and where they will always, 

always be welcome! 

And upon these, I write the things of my soul...

"....and upon these I write the things of my soul..."

II Nephi 4:15

August is a very special month for me. I love driving, off the mountain through all of the miles and miles, and miles of wheat fields. It is such evidence of wholesome goodness, and HOPE. . Sometimes I will just pull off to the side of the road, turn the truck off and listen to the wind sigh as it blows through the stalks. It seems to be declaring that LIFE in it's turbulence and glory will go on. Life is tough, and wonderful...but, don't cry because "it's" over...smile because it happened! 

The other day, I walked down by the river.  My sweet Mother-in-law was visiting, and she is a walker.

We were captivated by the sun reflected off the water,

the gentle breeze brushing across the 

rocky inlet...and an eagle riding the wind above the tree tops.

Except for the sound of water rolling along, 

and our labored breathing

all was quiet.

It was better than magic, because the moment was real.

August is also  a month of celebration.
We have a grandson Driggs, who shares his birthday on our
middle child Zack's, birthday. 
 
...our memory bank of love is kept alive, and still happening.

"...God sent him to a family..." Elder Webb


Five years ago, in December,
 LG & I were in Utah, putting up a Christmas tree, at Skeet and Heather's house. It had been a night of laughter, a lot of love, and good eats.
Several hours later, in the darkness of early morning... we got the phone call, no parent ever wants to receive.

There is not a day, that goes by where he is not remembered in some, small wonderful way. I get out the CD of his funeral service every now and then, and cry listening to the talks. There is a feeling of unitedness and peace, even with babies and young children, heard squalling in the background. My heart goes out to his sister Brittany, who is battling her own emotions, having recently lost her own husband in a car head on, and trying to quiet her little one.


The common factor in each one, 
is that Zack, loved and was loved by his family.
His brother Rock, tried to come up with one word that described him, and just couldn't...there were several: Joyful...Loving...Caring...Kind. 
 In sobs of grief, his sister Starr, declared to us all...that indeed he was a Simple Man, who loved the mountains, to hunt and fish and was most at ease when in these elements. 
And his elder brother Skeet, "Who is Zack, Ellison?" He is, a son, grandson, uncle, friend, cousin...he is, my brother.


I'm taking the time to post, because I want you all to know, that ZK's good days, were so, so much more...than the hard ones. His heart was good, his addiction took hold, and as much as he fought it, (and fight he did, for 16 years)...in the end, years and years of prescription abuse just messed his body up so much, it did not know how to function correctly...healthy.


In a journal, we found in his handwriting, declarations of his heart, "I just want to be the best neighbor, and for all the children to know, that they are loved by Brother Ellison. 
 I want my brothers and sisters to know that I would die for them, if in doing so would save their lives...
I want to be an honorable leader, respectable and kind. 
 I want to serve and to be loving and generous with my time. 
 I want to be a hard worker. 
I want to be worthy of respect. 
I want to be the man, every wife deserves to have...oh, how I want to quit my bad habits..."

Who is Zack Ellison? 
A son of God, who was sent to a family~

This month is his birthday, he would have been 37.

Gone, but as long as you are remembered

you are not forgotten.

 

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder...

Following your passions and your dreams

is the greatest gift you could give

the world. 

So many, many years ago my first visit to the beach
held for me such wonder...and fear.

I loved walking on it's sandy shores, loved the soft heat that worked itself up through the souls of my feet..loved the grit stuck
in between my toes, loved the smell of briny
seaweed, the odd pieces of driftwood that
was scattered along the way,
and the shells we would
come across.


You thought we had found Fort Knox.
Our treasures were for bartering with, stashing in  secret
"hidey" places 
and hoarding, to take out and relive the magic
of our visit somewhere in the future...
when we were landlocked 
at our home near the mountains.
  

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

~ Ecclesiastes  3:11

In the same breath of my wonderment, was a deep
seeded fear, that if I wandered to far out
I would be sucked up in the waves
never to surface again.

The crashing of the waves fascinated me and terrified me
at the same time.
I found contentment in entertaining myself
making designs in the sand,
building castles,
picnicking,
and watching out for my younger brother
who was fearless, and taunted me
in his adventurous spirit.

Every child is born a naturalist.

their eyes are by nature open to the glory of

the stars, flowers and just the 

mysteries of life...


I married a man, who was raised by the sea, but
fell crazy in love with my mountains
and so our return visits
have been few.


I'm am seasoned now, and I would cherish
a walk along a sandy beach,
submitting to the intoxication of sunshine and water
and a gentle breeze brushing across my cheek,
water lapping against my ankles
as I seek a perfect place to spread out a blanket
with beach chair, umbrella
and a good read.

 

Live your song~

DEAD LAST is greater than DID NOT FINISH...

There are times when each of us simply have to

begin again!

We've all been there...and chances are 

we will be again.

Circumstances vary, but the solution is the same:

JUST BEGIN! 

Dang, it's May already, and the crazy season for
a resort town has begun.

Yesterday, we had some friends over for supper.
It was simple fare, of waffles and 
a breakfast caserole.
We do that quite often...have beakfast
for any meal of the day.

We enjoyed their company and the laughter
and talking, and game playing...
but more than anything, it was just plain
wonderful to talk about the dreams and aspriations
of this sweet, wonderful family.

It made me realize that we are NEVER to old to have 
another dream, work on a bigger goal,
make a plan,
work your plan,
expect to win!

I am in my sixties, but really what does that mean?
I'm older and wiser, and this younger woman
is caught in a body, that is aging.
But I still have the heart of a big kid!
 
It is good to hang out
with youth,
with triumph, and a certain fearlessness
that comes with the
challenge of unmarked territory.
 

Seek to be worth knowing,

rather than well known ~ 

The challenges of raising a family, are still there.
Now, we have grand kids who
we are involved with, in their daily scirmishes
and joys of life.

In sports, in language immersion programs,
in math...reading, music,
and teaching them the joy of responsibility!
Of respect for others and themselves.
Of a love for the out of doors,
the colors that surround us,
the music of a crickets song in the evening.
 

Actually, what we strive for, is the
stubbornness, to not fall short of accomplishing
a goal that is worthy of our time,
but the wisdom to know
if we need to 
readjust, 
and start again with Plan B...
Plan C, D or E.

And still have fun along the way.
 
 

When your actions align with your passion...

let the magic begin!

I am reminded of grandparents who were
survivors of the depression.
Life was a constant struggle, but it was their
example that taught me to be resourceful,
to love and look for the 
simple joys in life.

To re- purpose leftovers,
that any flower looks good blooming in an old can,
that you can make do with what you have
and be happy.

That the secret to a joyful life, is determined in 
the amount of passion you have for it.